Barbra Hesson

Gregor the Overlander

By Suzanne Collins

Book one in the Underland Chronicles

When eleven year old Gregor follows his little sister through a grate in the laundry room of his New York apartment they hurtle into the dark Underland beneath the city where humans live beside giant spiders, cockroaches, bats and rats.

When Gregor tries to find a way home he is trapped by the evil rats, but rescued by the humans who fly on their bats.

Gregor finds out that there is a growing conflict between the creatures, especially the rats and humans. He is shown a prophecy, which foretells a role for him in saving the Underworld.

He also learns that his father who disappeared two years ago is in the Underland and also part of the prophecy.  To save his father, he must fulfill a quest with his two year-old-sister, two Underland humans, two bats, two roaches, two spiders and one rat.

The story is face paced, and the dialogue is interesting.  The Underlanders speak a kind of broken English.

At 308 pages it’s a little intimidating, however it is an easy read with lots of action and strange creatures on every page.

Would be good for Grade 4 to Grade 6.  A good Grade three reader may enjoy it as well.  Good for both boys and girls as there are two central characters.

Teaches many lessons about acceptance in life, equality, hope and doing the right thing.

I really enjoyed this!

Overusing Words

Well-chosen adverbs works good in a story, but beware of using too many in a row.  Usually because of the “-ly” ending, it creates a sing-song, clickety clack effect that draws attention to itself.

Also many are unnecessary because they’re already denoted by the verbs they modify.  How else do you slam down a phone but forcefully, or jump to your feet quickly etc.  Why repeat what the action has already told us.  Take them out.

Remember words that aren’t working for you are against you.

Repetitious Words or Phrases

Watch that you are not using one word all the time within a small section of writing.  Writers often have a favorite word that they use and don’t realize it.  For example:

little, huge, there, shiver, cried, etc.  This is harder to fix and I don’t worry about it when I am writing my first draft.  The important thing then is to get your thoughts down.  I know that I have used the same word to describe something five times but I also know that I can come back later and change it.  That is where the Thesaurus becomes invaluable.

Less is more

Consider the difference between: “Ron felt tears falling from his eyes,” and “Ron wept.”

“You’re no longer going to be working here,” and “You’re fired.”

“The place turned out to be a Laundromat,” and “The place was a Laundromat.”

“She launched herself forward at him,” and “She jumped at him.”

“He raised himself from the chair and came to stand by the bar,” and “He rose from the chair and stood by the bar.”

One of the hardest parts of story writing can be the beginning.

Think about what you do when you introduce two friends.  Ideally you tell each who the other is, where they live and work/go to school and you may mention something that is interesting about each one that could spark a connection between them.

An effective opening in a story usually does two things:

1.  Introduces us to the main character and the situation he or she is in, (the main conflict in the story.)

2.  It gets us interested in the story

It is as short as possible so the reader can get on with the action.  Effective openings must create suspense and make the reader want to read on.

The best way to get a feel for how this can be done is to READ a lot of good stories.  Which ones got you hooked right away and how did they do it? Which ones left you yawning and not wanting to finish? Why?

If nothing happens until page 50, look to see if  you can begin the story there.

Simply take away everything that isn’t the story ( you may have to add some stuff later.)

Look for BIG blocks of stuff that are not necessary. I’m talking about whole scenes or sections of scenes, entire characters (often minor ones), rambling dialogue, anything that doesn’t move the story forward or have any impact later  in the story.

One of the reasons I find this hard to do is because sometimes I think I have written something absolutely brilliant and I don’t want to get rid of it.

But you must ask yourself does this reveal anything about the main characters, does something happen later because of this? If your answer is no, then take it out but keep it for something else. Sometimes I get a new story idea from something I have scrapped previously.

When submitting articles to a magazine or a contest there is always a word maximum. I can honestly say every time my story has been over the word count and I’ve  had to eliminate words, I’ve  always felt I ended up with a better story. One that  moved faster, and flowed better.

Adding what’s essential

Remember it’s not the reader’s job to fill in the blanks, that’s the writer’s job. It’s  the writer’s story and the writer’s characters. What a reader wants to do is read something that allows him to use his imagination as he wanders through streets in Paris or the land of another planet.

Watch for too many scenes in which characters never talk. Direct dialogue is always more dynamic than a whole page of inner thoughts or strictly narrative information. There is a time for character thoughts when we want to portray personality, (but you don’t  need every single bit of dialogue.)

Look at your scenes with this in mind:

Do my characters need to talk more? Do more? Think more? Be described more? Live in a more vivid scene?

There are some some words that are simply space fillers, like the “uhs,” “wells,” and “you knows,” in conversation. These words seem innocent enough but are often very unnecessary. Watch for:

about,   exactly,  simply

actually, finally, somehow

almost, here, somewhat

almost like, just, somewhat like

already, just then, sort of

appears, kind of, suddenly

approximately, nearly, then

basically, now, there

close to, practically, truly

even, really, utterly

eventually, seems

How do these weasel words work? Consider the following paragraph:

The man was there in the bushes, waiting. When Joan was just three feet away, he kind of tensed, then leaped out and grabbed her. Joan struggled, but it seemed he was just too strong for her, and finally they fell down. She actually screamed, and even scratched his face.

All the bold words aren’t necessary. They create mushy prose. Take them out and see how much more dynamic the writing becomes.

The magic of a computer makes this an easy editing job. In most programs just go to edit, and then find. Type in your word and the computer will take you to the first one. Read your sentence and evaluate whether that word is “really” needed.

Some words and phrases are unnecessary. It is one of the most common mistakes a writer makes and once you realize it, you can spot it and fix it easily. For example:

She looked up at the ceiling. (You don’t look down at a ceiling)

A small frown appeared on her face. (Where else do frowns appear?}

He squinted his eyes. (With what else do you squint?}

She shrugged her shoulders. (With what else do you shrug?}

The child nodded her head. (With what else do you nod?}

After he pulled up the chair he sat down on the seat. (Where else?}

He held the bird in his hand. (Unless he’s holding it with something like tongs, he’s probably using his hand)

An unknown stranger appeared at the door. (Are there any known strangers?}

Their voices echoed back and forth. (That’s what an echo does.}

When he was alone he muttered to himself. (Who else is there?}

“Come into my parlor,” the spider whispered in a soft voice. (Whispers are soft)

That’s right, she thought to herself. (Who else do you think to?}

The horseman disappeared from sight. (How else?}

A black and white penguin trundled across the snow. (Aren’t they all black and white?}

“I’m through with you!” Joyce yelled. ” You are -”

“Don’t say that,” Kevin interrupted. (We’ve just seen him interrupt, why tell us too?}

The police officer put his key in the drivers side door, opened the door and sat behind the wheel. He put the key in the ignition and turned on the lights. He put the car in drive and pressing on the gas pedal the moved the car forward out of the parking lot. (Simplify this. What do we already know has to happen before you do something? What do we really need?}

Crop Circles

From Wikipedia:

Crop circles are patterns created by the flattening of crops such as wheat, barley, rapeseed (also called “canola”), rye, corn, linseed and soy.

The term was first used by researcher Colin Andrews to describe simple circles he was researching. Although since 1990 the circles have evolved into complex geometries, the term “circle” has stuck. Various hypotheses have been offered to explain their formation, ranging from the naturalistic to the paranormal.

Naturalistic explanations include man-made hoaxes or geological anomalies, while paranormal explanations include formation by UFOs. Many circles are known to be man-made,^[6][7][8] such as those created by Doug Bower, Dave Chorley, and John Lundberg,^[9] and a 2000 study into circle hoaxing concluded that 80 percent of UK circles were totally man-made.^[6]

Bower and Chorley were awarded an Ig Nobel Prize in 1992 for their crop circle hoaxing.

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